have to go -miss the world forever ☆☆☆

This morning

Will the light shine through

Into my heart like a silver knife?

I hope to wake again tomorrow

Or tonight

Before the sun sets

will i again, take for granted that I am here

To think youth cannot be taken away

Not like a birthday cake

That surely gets eaten away

Candles melting into frosting

Carve me away

Or carve me back forever again

I think the day I go

I will miss the world forever

I will miss the soaps, and the icecreams and the hugs

And the flowers blooming

And the sun and trees and birds and hands and all the humans

Ribbon, whirpools of light ☆☆☆☆ +fiks*

The fjord looks like a ribbon

I'm standing knee deep in the blood

Smells like sugary water,

and iron

Hungry, 

i look up at whirpools of light

So bright, like a never-ending escape

Like some recreation

of hope,

flowers/ocean mist

new beginning

This sharp pain

This loneliness

Like the rotting of a heart

Like the rotting of me

Laying in a ditch by the sea

I used to think

In my selfishness

If some explosion hit

If dead stars would omit their light

A quasar of death*

If now must be the end of it

Then i would be okay to go with it

To not sit with this

Gone in splints

Like i used to think about blenders and cliffs

earths children in the vallies ☆**

The earth holds me

As I travel by train through the vallies

She warms my shoulders and my chest and my chin

And when I sleep through the vallies i am her child

That is what I feel from within

A child being brought home again

And she tells me we are all children

For she is ancient, she is old, she is wise and she is a god

That we forgot to take care of,

For when she is sick we are sick

But all children should have a guardian

So she never holds anger or remorse, 

She gives you beautiful pebbles in hand and ladybugs and sun 

As I look at the moss and patches of snow, and small wooden houses with a glimt in my eye

She tells me we are all children

A flickering light all the same

From the day we are born and to the day we go

Fragile like the heartbeat of a bird

Holding hands and sleeping softly under the moon

We are children all the same, 

in our soul there is still that curious fragment of who we have been 

And now grown

Still that search

For home

 

bones and lake gems ☆*

There is this deep hurt

Somewhere in the root of my bones

Its pure, clean

Like bruning blood in lungs after a run

Or cold water from the lake

The world like a gem

A crystal

Such beauty

Such sharpness

I have four cuts on my hands

And a smile on my face

This bucket of stars

Spilled across a life

The night/i see it/you in the night/i see it in the light

You see it in my eyes

☆☆☆☆Milkwhite crystals: the wound on my back ☆☆☆☆

Feels like glass shards

Milk-white crystals sharp

Stabbing into the soft meat of my heart

Into its unnassuming pulp of tissue

Its crystalisations of defensless blood

Blood that you slowly sucked and drawed

Trough no plaster patches and no pat on the shoulder after

The fall of the bike, or the banging on the door

I feel and will feel forever the wounds carved into the heart of a child

A pulsing wound that will continue to grow, get infected

every day, all the time, until the day i die

Even with you gone, there will be the (sharp) milkwhite crystal-shards that I could silently try to pick out

but you know how these things are

Meat is thick (and splinters grow thin(ly in))

And I will carry this wound on my back, like a wet cloth, a string of stones, a symbol of time

Like you have carried a wound on your ribs, and your mouth from your mothers mother and her mothers mother 

On and on and on

Like a sword through time

Like a needle through the bodies waiting in line, (like a queue)

And I will carry it too, for you have given it to me

Wherther you knew it or not, wherther you knew you were hurting or not

And it makes me neauseus how I might see another that I love, grow into such a life

I hope with all the fires in my heart, 

bowing to the sparkling orange sun/sparkling orange like the sun

You will not have to feel it all

On my knees to the stars

I know at least with me, where I can move and see (move my head and my hands up my ribs and feel where my heart is there is that sharp point under the skin like a silver knife) and where there is a point moving from my own chest into time

I will cover it with cotton and pillow and clay

And (i tell the moon) if I ever had a daughter

I would make sure her back was washed and whole and soft

mother ☆☆☆☆

That night bathed in red light

Crystals in my ears

There was some wierd creepy man looking us out

Walking towards us

Scaring 

And the older woman behind me, held me like a mother

And at that moment i felt myself ready to cry

How could someone hurt a little child

And then my new mother, she dances with my father

And she smiles so truly, so deeply

Tears welling in my eyes

lung -moving ☆☆☆

The lung of the bus

Like two bodies hugging together

Coming to a close

And the smell of dust

the smell that there have been people 

and places to collect it (what a comfort)

And small sunlight slips through spring leaves

And colourful laces holding togheter shoes, 

and the hopes of a single world

Or many maybe

Of where you will go and the people on that road

Each one a pearl and petal of their own

I never knew the many interesting things that could happen in such a passing pocket of time

Colourful glass in the windows i pass

And in the morning, the sky will be pink

And I will wake to it

Again

To another day 

in a room that smells like sleep i will lift my heavy feet

/(Trying to lift my arms and heavy feet)

I want to live it

To feel the pink and see the moving breaths of others

My life moving, like the shapes of the sun 

Its okay to love something new

To losen the tread that has been so tight

Red, warm and bright

But that pulled at the head, arms and thighs

It is okay to be something else

To love the city that before poisoned you

Let slip that floating thing, resistance somewhere in your heart root

To float, to just feel and love no matter what thought you were

and what you ought to love (and not)