the loneliness of this little body ☆

In this little body of mine

I carry a heart too big and heavy

I think through 

All these years

These mountains of dispear

Feeling a loneliness so immense

And enormeous

Its going to shred my being

My flesh 

my soul

Into thin soluable fiber

Tiny fragments 

Until i am desintigrated

Atoms and quarks 

I will cease to exist

Because nobody truly

Knew that i did

In all of the fullness

And colours

Carving my soul/in my soul

The starving of a heart ☆

You do not know

How good it is

To starve

Your heart

Of the things it needs 

The strings it keeps

The things it holds

Inside its pocets like a shell

The light that cuts out

(When hope bleeds out)

You dont know

That some of my happiest moments

Were surrounded by a cotton tissue of grief, of dark and sticky melancholy

(Covering my body)

You dont know

How it is to see the moon shine clearly 

Never has it been so beautiful

As when seen through pain

As when the sword pierces the chest 

And you hold onto each little drop of something beautiful 

Because all else is not

And something hopeful

Because all else is not

Something of meaining

Or beauty

Or hope in this world

To feel that in the midst of things like trees and the twinkeling stars and cicadas (the whisper of insects) or the warmth of the sun

One is never truly lonely, or truly alone