fireworks

i used to be afraid of life

as i feared the fireworks 

i hid from as a child

i shrinked in the face of their

threatening prescence

their scream into the night 

how they roamed above my head

ruling the sky

the crashing thunder

was too

overwhelming

unpredictable

uncontrollable

i feared the fireworks 

in their beauty 

and all their color

the mesmerising formations

fascinating explosions

how they rose up

flourishined

bloomed 

painted against the milky way

before they would slowly fade away

dissapear among the millions of stars

until it was eeirly quiet

and you could'nt tell 

there had been anything there 

at all

alongside

the crashing fireworks 

melting into the night 

we will be forgotten in the same way

after being lit up

raising up to the sky

exploding in all our light

and then slowly fading 

away into nothing 

as life seeps out of our bodies

the course of a firework is the same as the course of a life

i would gladly explode

against the sapphire moonlight

in all my sparks and 

all my light

to be loud

to be fierce

to be free

i blow up and bloom

for my own sake

not to get attention

or some sort of validation

from other fireworks not yet ready to spread out

or explode into truly living life

memories are like buildings

i've been meaning to tell you lately

i thought about it remembering you holding my hand through the city;

memories are like buildings

if you attach yourself they are harder to demolish

cities of whispers and towers of stories

my city is torn apart and you're the reason i destroyed it

our city landscape had become a black hole

sucking us into an endless cycle

of reocurring mistakes 

and piercing heartbreak

streets of temptation and alleys of regret

wrecked the houses to disarm their threat

yet they still remained

i couldn't seem to forget

it all ended a night darker than charcoal

your image in my head 

burned my skin like glowing coal

it was enough to set fire to my soul

the flames swollowing my city whole

watching you burn was quite suitable

i have never seen anything so beautiful

as when i set fire to it all

i was completely vulnerable

as i let the red and orange enemy

wipe my memory 

her face was happiness

i know that nothing lasts forever

and we're all gonna die

but that night

her face was happiness

and that meant something to me

i couldn't help but smile

☆ finding myself ☆

every day i wake up

i am somebody new

every second that passes

another version of me cuts through

the figure before me

the silhouette in the mirror

is nothing but a bypassing stranger

i kept chasing after

looked for her in the empty city streets

at the parties where i found release

the fruit isle at the grocery store

the sweaty school corridor

i wished for her to remain constant

if i could use the term "her" at all

because the strange shadow i chased

seemed to have no final form

i wished to have a concept of self

something i could call mine

but it all felt superficial

and unoffical

i am not constant 

i am not anything to be defined

labeled and described

shrunk up to fit into some

illusonary cage

prison cell

made mentally

in my mind

but aren't i supposed to know who i am?

to find whoever is lurking deep down?

the problem is

there was no hidden person inside

no truer 

better

realer version of me

it was not something i could seek

dig up and bring to life

identity is a careful prosess of choices 

done conciously 

and subconciously

that shape our view

of ourselves 

as well as how we

live our lives

we do not "find" ourselves 

we create ourselves 

am i not just a patchwork of the places i have seen?

the people i have met

i like to think of myself

as a mosaic of the world

different tiles collected carefully

pieces painted by

my mother tongue

the culture that's seeped into my blood

the music that makes me float among starts

the collection of brush strokes i call art

poetry that make my eyes fiery with sparks

books that make me understand life on mars

my definition of cool

all the shit i didn't learn from school

my friends and their impressions

my family and their self-expressions

these factors are redefined,

developed every second i'm alive

who i am represents

that nothing lasts forever

reality is ever-changing

i cant recognize the person i have been

or the one i'm becoming

but i've decided to just let myself be

accept that

my identity

remains uncertain to me