☆ supermassive black hole ☆

i need to keep this flow 

of creativity

capture the inspiration pulsating 

through my body

i need to be more than a 

collection of bones

i want to float like tunes

in my headphones

crashing through the city 

like a dozen cyclones

i'm lit up like

a light bulb

always afraid the electricity 

will shut off

what if i loose my glow?

what if i loose the parts of me 

i love the most?

if the poet in me dies

i'll be buried with it

if my words wont unfold or bloom

just know i've reached my doom

my deepest fear is forgetting 

all i have become

my mind becoming 

blank as snow

i can no longer see 

my own shadow

as my hands dissolve

into the cold

i'm afraid the smallest leap 

in wrong direction

will make me slip down 

an endless slope

downhill

back to the black 

the darkness of my past

i'll be sucked into the void

a supermassive black hole

where i'll become my old self

thinking about her makes me loose my breath

i'm not finished celebrating her death

☆ the raw truth burns, but damn it feels good ☆

there is a certain rawness to you

a stinging, rasping kind of beauty

like the bite of the weeping wind

or the needles and safety pins piercing

through my skin

this world is one of endless suffering

its the raw truth

the spirit of our youth

It transcends all the glitter people sparkle on the surface

and all the bullshit they spit out to appear as perfect

you're beautiful in a way i cant explain

like the metallic taste of blood

the smell of cigarette smoke

a freezing snow storm

you're a supernova of sweet destruction

roses full of thorns

clothes with rips and holes

i start to feel my hands getting cold

every word that travels from your vocal cords

to the tip of your tongue

are real and raw

naked and bear

stripped and stampled

they're painfully true

served with the nicest of cutlery

coated in transparency

they rasp up my tongue and sting at my gums

i'm not used to swallowing this much honesty

people have been feeding me black lies

artificiality 

chemical sweeteners

they showed me a shining fasade

i knew we are all flawed

but you showed me how hiding it is a fraud

there's too much sorrow out here on this floating rock in space

but its easier to tolerate

if you create a lesson out of the pain

your own mind is the opponent you have to face

tell yourself that its human to be scattered in parts

our burns and scars are what sculpt our hearts

the broken peices remind us to be kind 

to not be blind to the pain left behind

to not inflict that pain upon others

Ughh get out of my head

you're stuck in my head, like a song on repeat. 

i hear your voice every time i wake up, 

when i try to go to sleep. 

i listen unwillingly to your chords and your guitar strokes. 

you occupy my brain in the weirdest of circumstances; 

you appear abruptly, whenever i'm biking, drawing, talking. 

one second i'm whole,

the next i'm falling apart,

i need to sit the fuck down, 

and clear my thoughts.

whats the cause? 

the minor heart attacks i get from you, 

all of you, 

your perfections and flaws. 

i can feel your rhythm when i wish for silence, 

when i wish for you to leave. 

fuck.

i even listen to you in my dreams. 

i try to block you out. 

i dont want to hear to another word. 

but i cant run away from the fact, 

that you're the most beautiful song i have ever heard.

meleğim

19.11.21

min engel,

meleğim,

vil du fly meg bort?

til en himmel full av farger 

hvor livet ikke er sort

til en verden hvor vi lever i drømmene våre

i stedet for å lengte etter dem

hvor hodene våre er fylt med stjerner

og vi kan bruke evigheten 

til å speide opp på tusen lanterner

the ocean

as i look at the horizon from the cliff i'd like to jump of

my feet being cut by sharp rock

i feel the howling cry of the ocean

the sea calls me with a thousand voices

i feel it swallowing me whole

my fingers and toes loosing control

i am not only in the ocean

i am the ocean 

i am its rage

i am its sorrow

i am its longing

i am all the shades of blue 

as i smash into the rocks

throw myself harshly against the shore

until i feel raspy and torn

my muscles and knuckles are sore

but the waves cant wash away

all the poison that tears at my core

☆ messy ☆

my feelings are messy

my words even messier

they're either tangled up in unsolvable knots

or smeared all over like butter on toast

i am what i surround myself with

when i lay like this

it truly feels as if i dont exist

as an individual 

but as a part of whats around me

i'm the birds and their music

the way the dandelion seeds spread like magic

i'm the soft grass i feel against my skin

i'm the summer air i breathe in 

i'm the laughter of the kids in the neighborhood block

i'm the phone ringing and the voice that answers in shock

☆ dying to live ☆

i've died as many times

as i've been reborn

once agian alive

flourishing with new life

before the spring and its beauty

comes a winter of coldness and brutality

but its yet because you know

how it feels to lack the warmth

to lack the bliss

that you can truly feel

springs unforgettable kiss

☆ something worth living for ☆

I just wish you would take my hand

drag me to a concert of your favourite band

in your black velvet dress

promise me to stop trying to repress

how the world chews you

before it spits you out in distress

your porcelain skin is covered in salt unless

you tell me about the music

about something worth living for

lead me through the door

into your core

you said art is your religion

well you are mine

and the day you die

beauty itself will die with you

we've been running our whole lives

i'm on fire

it burns

i'm running

praying i make the right turns

do no more harm

dont make reality of my concerns 

but no matter how hard i try

i cant seem to catch up to my yearns

I've been running my whole life

running after everything i wish to acquire

I've been running after approval

trying to catch up to validation

fulfilling expectations

and living up to peoples manifestations

its a never ending race

trying to be perfect

trying to be enough

trying to be what they expect

you've been running your whole life too

running away from everything and everyone trying to trap you

running away from their gazes and glances

their ever-present judgement

running away from their expectations

their disappointment

running away from the uncomfortability

and uncertainty

of being someone special to me

sticky worn out sneakers

thank you for always being there for me 

and feeling my emotions with me 

trying to put yourself in my shoes

because i'll continue to wear yours if you wear mine

maybe we will both have shoe collections

instead of sticky worn out sneakers 

with holes, sharpie stains and patched fabric

or maybe that's what makes them feel so special

maybe the messiness and the weird little quirks 

are what make them beautiful

that they fit so perfectly

they show our scars and our history

so take my muddy and scrunched up dock martins

and i'll steal those cracked and dirty converse

bring your roller skates

lets walk around town like we own it

when i call you my best friend

i hope you believe it

i will have a little rain, thank you

you want to be happy all the time

to feel the sun kiss your skin

and the warmth that comes from within

i love the golden light

truth is

i used to wish for only sunshine in my life

but now i see

it would be too monotone

and too dry

that even the sun couldn't make smile

anymore

i tell myself

if you want a pretty garden

full of life

you need rain for the seeds that you saw

bad weather is essential

not a flaw

though its harder to survive

you might have to clench your jaw

but i believe you will live through it all

without a little rain

without a little wind

the leaves wouldn't unfold

the sprouts wouldn't spring

you need both sun and the rain

to let flowers bloom

and colors flourish

you need a few cloudy nights

to appreciate the sunset

mountain walls

i used to scream my lungs out

towards the mountain wall

waiting for your echo

to answer my call

hoping my voice would travel through your barricade of stone

i didn't think of it as an invasion of your zone

you know i would do anything to make you feel not so alone

but in the end you wished to remain unknown 

i remember when you used to let me crawl into your cave

travel into your core

you let me admire your plains of green

your flowers of gold

you let me see the view

from the top of your mountain floor

laughing as the wind caught my hair

seeing how the cotton clouds framed the shore

so many of your wonders that i wanted to explore

in the end you just couldn't give me more