☆ where can i find the words? ☆

i want my words on a string

like beads on a necklace

tied up in pretty formations

like the laces on my sneakers 

i want to hold the words

in the pool of my hands

they all melt into colorful liquid

as i watch them stream from my palm

and in between my aching fingers

i try to catch them

as you would catch falling leaves 

in autumn

or snowflakes on your tongue

but they keep flowing

like a waterfall down to my shoes

with such force i cant seem to collect them

absorb them and paint them on paper

they wet my baggy jeans

and keep spilling 

until they cover the floor of my room

until the wood panels become

a pool of words 

hopeful aspirations

unfulfilled dreams

and it keeps rising

up to my knees

then my waist

my neck

until the rainbow covers me

in sweet embrace

i'm forever drowning

in all the words i can't say

i dont want to wake up

i wake up and the world is just 

a little too much

the rawness of reality slaps me in the face

like the weight of wet concrete 

covering my body

the sun stings in the red corners of my eyes

the world screams in my face after the calm night

the illusion of peace is punctured

i was happily loosing myself

in the fantasy land

created in my mind

sleep is just death being shy

and dying shouldn't be this comforting

once i open my eyes

i am once again reminded of how i'll probably one day forget my dreams

because this is the real world with office jobs, unpaid rents, miserable lives

its just hard to open my eyes to a cruel world where the fear of failing is all i will ever know

with my eyes shut everything seems calm and approachable

my dreams are in reach and i'm brave enough to grip around the endless possibilites

but when i open my eyes i am brought back to reality

where there is too much brutal truth

too much anger and too much doubt

expectations and ideals

i again close my eyes not because i'm sleepy 

i'm just tired

i would like to loose myself and not come back

that's what all the kids want

the vodka

the weed

is just a way to forget yourself for a moment

forget the real world for a few seconds

all i want is to loose my mind

and to find myself

take me away to a hopeful place

where i can be myself

and passion is all it takes

to make it

i'd like to be happily ignorant

i want a comfortable fantasy world where the grass glitters 

and the disco balls twirl until the moon turns to dust

we'll all be immortal

in a party that lasts for eternity

i dont really want to die

yet what i am describing

is the unbelievable afterlife

a generation on painkillers

my generation is one drugged down on painkillers

always attached to our respective void-fillers

infusing our minds with distractions

freeing our souls through constant escapism

loosing ourselves in the media 

the music 

the drugs

to not realize the the insignificance of our actions

or the crushing weight on our shoulders

of an earth heading in the direction of extinction

everything beautiful is slowly dying

and we are dying with it

so smoke away the icky feeling 

that the world is run by greedy tyrants hungry for money

they don't care about the people, the nature, the peace

they live for the money, the profit, the corrupt police

they feed us lies

i'm fed up and angry

they tell us we are the last hope 

in a world gone hopeless

so tell me where to find some light

and how to keep it

i'm just not sure if i can reach it

i dont believe we ever will

be able to fix any of this

global hunger

inequality

even if

i eat less meat

recycle

try to be sustainable

it wont impact climate change

because the rich eat themselves fat

and we need fossil fuels to drive around their ass

we need systematic change

newer and greener ways of life

but nobody seems to know how

and i doubt we will ever know why

or even actually try

i'm not any better than those who quit

i'm just as ignorant as any other prick

so pass over the bottle of tequila

give me a hit of sweet ignorance

i'd like to be dumb and happy

or the nihilism will be too apparent

the meaninglessness consume us

the clouds will forever cover the sun

in the dull and dark

we will loose our sparks

so pop some pills

and trick your brain into thinking its sunny all the time

i just want to listen

i can spot the suffering in your flickering eyes

a glimpse of the cataclysm behind your forced smile

every time you tell me that you're fine

i see the dark and cold yearning to escape your mind

it boils under your soft skin

the surface on your wrists are paper thin 

but you cover up with long sleeves 

and let the fear of intimacy win

dear friend

you dont have to suffer alone

i want to listen

i want to understand

why you smoke

why you starve yourself

why you run 

and why you hide

why your pretty face is teary-eyed

i can see the shadows seeping through your bones

the chaos wants a new home

but you cant seem to let it go

its all you have ever known

you said you'd out-grown

your fright of the freezing cold

but its engraved in your soul

certain things are hard to let go

i know you lie in hope 

say you feel fine when you dont

it makes me so blue 

how much you want it to be true 

i just want to hold you and let you know

it will all be alright

you should open your castle doors once in a while

to let in some light

accept a helping hand

when it reaches for your bleeding palm

to treat your aching wounds

know that we all have cuts and scars

its okay to show your vulnerable parts

i know you're scared

i am too

we all are

to love is to risk hurting

to love is to risk losing

but the world is just a little warmer

and a little brighter

when you have somebody by your side

this might sound corny, but i love living

at moments 

i feel infinite

i have the whole universe

in my eyes

incomprehensible beauty 

and brutality

too complex to fit

in my mind

i'm in a state of constant 

over-stimulation

psyched out by our world 

and its creation

i wish i could grasp it all

see the world as it truly is

i want to memorize all the details

i want to suck it all up

like a ginormous sponge

its so fucking insane that i'm alive 

i feel blessed

i feel sunkissed

grateful for this weird and confusing life

for the salty seas, galactic minds, coral reefs and sly smiles

earths silly creatures, spacetime, plants, indie rock and hammocks

brownies, pink sunsets, apple tea and cinematography

my friends and all the people i meet

what they think and how they feel

their quirks and talents 

their dreams and passions

their fears and insecurities

friends with muffins and worries

different worldviews and philosophies

i'm even greatful for the people i hate

they make me understand what i don't like about myself

and i know

really they are also just terrified

of this ruthless, unforgiving world

being alive can fucking suck

so i live for the moments when living rocks

life is truly something else

i'm just glad i get to experience it

through the people i meet and through myself

det absurde

jeg prøver å leve i øyeblikket

å være i kontakt med omgivelsene mine

akseptere det absurde

hvis livet er en bølge

skal jeg lære meg å surfe

☆ kintsugi ☆

have you ever heard of kintsugi?

its a japanese form of pottery

shattered vases and pots

are restored in a unique way

the cracks we usually try to hide, cover up and forget

are embedded in gold

to enhance the intricate pattern in which the pot broke

and what needed to be done to make it whole

humans are fragile in the same way as vases and urns and cups

we break, we bleed, we burn

remind yourself that its human to vr scattered in parts

our burns and scars are what sculpt our hearts

our flaws are discarded like stars

lets enhance our golden scars

embrace ourselves as works of art

kaninhullet

jeg trodde jeg svevde

høyere enn tretoppene

oppe blant fuglene

sommerbrisen i håret

men det viser seg

at jeg tok feil

det er åpenbart at jeg faller 

dypere 

og dypere 

i en endeløs transe

ned i det bunnløse mørket

et kaninhull av det absurde

med tykke, svarte vegger av gjørme

uten noe å klamre seg fast i

ingen hånd å gripe

ingen greiner

eller balkonger

til å bremse fallet

det er ingen vei tilbake

jeg går til bunns i en verden

hvor alt er dekt i sukkerlake

kvalm av alt glitteret

ingenting er sant

ingenting er ekte

trapped

i'm restless

my fingers keep on fikling

my eyes are twitching

i'm biting my nails

piercing them into my palms

tearing out my hair

biting my lips until they bleed

my bones are aching

and i feel like escaping

this body

that i am trapped in