becoming☆☆☆

Sometimes

I feel a new wave of me

And owerwhelming breath in of

"This is becoming"

Of a gap from where i left

That cliff long ago

Standing in the middle of the green hills

This is me

Stars in the grass

I am made of glass

Seethrough

Translusent like a fish

I show my whole now

Like a kid I do what i feel

I'm chipping at the walls

Scrape off layers of shame

Scrubbing away at the seashore

My heart soft and clean now

Like i was born yesterday

my heart like meteorite ☆☆☆☆

I've lost many things in my life 

Only to find

Thats when i've loved them the most

Devoid of life and light

I starts clinging to(/streching over the windowsill) the window like a plant

I remember the beads, and the coloured markers, the scent of peeling a clementine

When i have lost my colour, 

into it i go: deeper, inching my way around, into the stars twinkeling blue, red and green (like christmas lights)

Sometimes i think my heart is like a christmas light

Flickering

Shifting

Deep

Sometimes its utterly quiet

Like a peral

Like something hiding 

At other times like a meteorite

Rich in its bruning, (alive)

Then the salty and harsh

crash in the ocean

Kind of like an early morning 

Stinging in my eyes

But also beautiful and deep

and at the end of all, 

worth it.

The leaves like overgrown lilacs ☆☆☆☆☆

The leaves 

are very pretty

But I must also say

It feels like nature contained

Into some spherichal shape

Cut down with fences and stone cliffs 

And my feet they feel it

Not walking on earth

On soil

But the hundereds of million feet here would probably scrape it all

coat the whole city in sticky footsoles and fingertips

So at least i can write this

And be here with you

To learn to love something else than i am used to

To see the tree shadows like overgrown lilacs

Black against the sunlit stones

Try to stay in the stillness 

in the middle of a chaos

What a lesson

What a learning

To appriciate the sound 

Even of an artificial waterfall

Small drops trickeling from squared stones

I knew it would be hard ☆☆☆☆

I went to the store

At 12 the world had gone asleep

I watched sugar coated trees

Glistening in the moonlight

I put a fruit caramel in my mouth

And felt the soft air hug me

I have been so terribly sad lately 

Like a sinking pit, fruit seed of sadness 

in my stomach 

It lives a quiet life

And never goes to rest

Always the weight suprises me

I think, maybe i had forgot how it feels

And all around me the people seem to do it all

Put in the work and the numbers (fit and) drift seamless, like autumn leaves in fall

Like a puzzle, like a colourbook

And me too I have dreams 

but i do not know where they are headed

So i tried to follow that feeling in the core

The spine of my heart

I knew it would be hard

So now i watch the sun through the apartment

The sun on the ocean

To go swimming again when the sickness leaves

And it must leave

like all else 

I have been thinking lately like the few people i have, are so incredibly prescious to me

That they are my life, what truly matters

My lover and my bestfriend and my sisters

To visit, and call them, and hug them all

I will hold on tight, this is my reminder of it all

I have been thinking of my aunt, how i understand it

But she had no sister, no bestfriend, no lover like i do

I will get through 

And the music that holds my hands also gnaws at them 

But this poem is the crystal of my soul

It spins and it gives and it cleans 

Of what a luck, this body can be a home

My poem its interior

And all my dreams like sun shining through the windows