religion

once in a while

i let the earth mezmerize me

i get sucked in by the complexity

the ultraviolet kiss of the sun

the luminecent creatures of the sea

i feel the etheral capture me

everything feels captivating and unique

my curiosity like the depth of 

the deep sea

i let my skin and bones drag against the beach

by waves of mysteries

i feel a sort of bloossomlike amazement

when i tap into all the absurdity

the beauty behind the unpredictable 

the fine details of the universe

the big scheme of this masterpeice 

the veins and structure on the leaves 

their function and seasonal change into orange from green

the cordination of the birds as they float in the summer breeze

the acceleration of your skateboardwheels

how i can perceive you as cool from such an activity

how pop-culture, personality and tounge twisters came to be

every complex process inside the human body

from the neurotransmittets making me feel

to the bacteria-eating blood cells protecting me

to the way our eyes perceive color in different degrees

the pigment of flowers and fruits in the gardens i see

the fact that i can see

and listen

and feel

when i think about it

the fact that i exist is actually 

fucking crazy

it makes me want to dance wildly

amplify the positive energy

pulstating through me

☆ my river ☆

you are my river

where i go to find peace

follow the slow pace of the streams

a buzzing sort of harmony 

as i lay my hair locks

in the silkiest of dreams

feel you caress my cheecks

and cover every peice of me

its suprisingly euphoric

physchadelic

let me melt into you

drown in the palette of your eyes

we'll let everything be good

for a little while

☆ infinite ☆

they say you are lucky

if an artist loves you

because they will create

beauty that trancends time

you will live forever 

in sculptures of their life

i dont think any of us will

be eternal like stars

or become immortal through our art

but i think love will last through 

and the love i have for you

will forever float among

beautiful souls

and curious minds

that see the beauty in the sky

and the pleasure in silence

i dont think that will ever leave

the crust of the earth

so in a way we are infinite

like the invisible glue

holding together the universe

me and you

as we lay on your jacket

in the wet grass

watching the stars and moon pass

what a wonderful endeavour

to be made of glass

closed up and sold?/deep dark pools of your insides? -fiks

the world's ending

the atom bombs crashing in

the apocalypse ascending

drowning in a sadness so consuming

you're never again surfacing

dragged into the deep

dark pools of your insides

these holes in your head

keep drilling all around

hollowing your bones

as your nervous system shuts down

hollowing your life

no one notices a thing

unaffected 

they cant see you

physically drowning

the world goes on the same 

as any day

people still close their eyes

and open their mouths

you lay your head down

on needle sharp rocks

confused that the world

doesn't mind at all

the birds keep chirping

and the cars keep driving

and your mom keeps talking

so it all makes you feel quite small

a fragment of what you were before

☆ ego death -fikssss

moving

slowly sliding

into another skin

into another state

what confuses me

makes me whisper

in my sleep 

is i cant tell

if i'm

growing

or decomposing

until i am fully bloomed

or completely rotten

recently

i got a card in the mail

the color made me happy

cherry blossom pink

i felt so lucky

getting an invitation

to the funeral 

of my identity

 

stuffing my salty face

with soft angel cake

as i mourned the death

of my ego

the idea i had if me

the person i was told to be

i'm not sure if its a curse

or a blessing

to loose yourself in this way

shaking as i glimt

the glossed black casket

lilies in my bloody hands

i killed the construction of myself

i strangled her

and broke her neck

breaking my own reflection

i killed her before i could ask 

why

why

was there blood spilled?

if she was never part of

reality at all

if she was just a concept 

of the mind

or can concepts like these

be true in a way too?

i drowned in my questions

the ocean took me

sharp glass waves

dragged me 

with all their rage

cleansing my core

baptising me

at the sea shore

now

i feel as if nothing is mine

and nothing belongs to me

and i am not one thing

or the other

i am everything and nothing

i am the whole universe

in human form

i am complete

**beauty -fiks

i wish to create beauty

vow it from my heartstrings

bleed it from my eyes

To crack my spine

break a source of life

Make a sound so crisp 

You cant help but cry

im wary

its like im breathing 

but my thorath

is just a little too tight

this underlying

uncomfortabilty

of something not being right

im hurting

and i wonder

if i am the one

making myself hurt

by what i consume

endless dread

the glooming doom

spiriling into whirlwinds

of sadness

and a corner of my brain

likes it

it calls it

the beauty of melancholy

the comfort of suffering

the feeling of being young

pretty 

unseen

your suffering makes you feel

unique

like you’re special

a victim of this cruel life

like the world has done you wrong

but it was supposed to do you right

all along

like the world owed you something 

you never get what you deserve

and you have the right to be upset about it

i see myself 

hair flowy and glowing

as i cry covered in slik

cheecks red 

sinking in silver

as i drown in the river

is this euphoria from embracing a sadness i put upon myself

or i dug up from deep down?

is that wrong either way?

i deal a lot with a certain category

limiting boxes

the notion that right or wrong

isnt black and white

what is wrong? 

what is right?

is anything ever wrong

or right

lately i think its a spectrum

variations of worse and better

never entirely one thing

just like you and me

maybe romantizicing the difficulty of life

makes it easier to live through

i like how i think i know the difficulity of life

yet i have only experience the smallest fraction

of human experience

still i am not completely clueless

to the bleeding we all share

the wounds we cover up

and the continuing pursuit of happiness 

that enhances the fact

that we can't find it within ourselves 

we all just want to be okay

yet forget we create our definition

of okay

everything will be okay

and everything is okay

or maybe its not

and thats okay

coldest meteor shower -fiksssss

i flew to the streets

ran to reach

markets of heartbeats

i felt empty

looking for a body

looking for a soul

someone from 

the outside

that would

fill me up

inside

i showered in

freezing water

needles of ice

coldest meteor shower

of my life

i felt the water drip

from my salty eyes

blue lips

down to

my fingertips

supressing that

all i needed

was a sip

shivering

as i was distracting

myself

from my burning throath 

let my body soak

to forget the thirst

i had deep down

covered in all the rose water 

one could find

i know how it is to be dehydrated

i have crawled through deserts

tounge dry from sand

lips loosing hope

i was lost in

a land of consumptuion

endless materials

from the overflowing riverbed

to the sweetness we often forget

endless possibilites 

everyone was selling something 

selling their products

selling themselves 

i want to be invisible, invinsable

its kind of like me

to dissapear

sometimes 

i wish to dissolve into air

to fit in between the molecules

nitrogen, oxygen, and aragon

i would like to be a part of the breeze

my worst trait

is wanting to be infinitly free

in a land without responsibility

escape from all the worlds difficulty

rewiring my brain

i try to rewire my brain

the complexity

causes eyestrain

the infinite coding

drives me insane

data programs

diagrams

the devil on my shoulder

weighs a thousand kilograms

the systems

and patterns

in which my brain operates

are outdated

and deeply hated

to listen to my

inner voice

by choice

without critique

is nothing but

self-sabotage

in camouflage

of listening to

my heart

learning to be

hyper-aware 

of my behavior

was my saviour

from the hungry dogs

who prayed on my failure

if i took one wrong step

it was in the direction

of a clear death

but if i spy and disapprove 

of my every move

criticize everything i do

i will redirect my behavior 

until i wont

have any exposed flesh

no one can 

bite me where

i have not been bitten 

by myself

i keep running

my eyes are salty

from the ocean of the coast

and the ocean in my mind

i feel tired

but i keep running

away from the tide

to not be smashed at the cliffs

collapse as the waves collide

the cobalt monster

we call the sea

has a melancholy

so transcendent

it haunts me

when im awake

when im asleep

so i have to flee

run to the streets

away from the deep

i'm never stopping

to breathe 

because then

the threat

of the marine

will catch up to me

you see

i dont have time 

for anything really

to dream

feel

or be

i run

not only because 

of the sea

i harbor in me

but running also

provides company

because somehow

all my people run like me

everyone is running

for different reasons

i run from the hurt

and the need to feel

i run to keep up with them

i run to be someone

i run to not be left alone

we are all running away

from something

or someone

most often ourselves

running for our dear lives

yet we never

ask ourselves 

where does this lead to?

why are we are we even running?