these things ☆

I find the things that really matter

Are those i did not think would

Those houses, those trees, the birds

Would mean nothing without a smile

Somewhere sometime

The deep green river 

And the blueberrypickers 

And the mountain walk

With the break and the hams and the breads and the cheeses

And those green fields and herbs

And white tipped sharp mountains

And now the deep blue woods and the pine branch over the mountain roof

The windows warm and glowing

And the warmth of another

These are the things

The bloodhungry (locked up in money) forget

These are the things they dont see, or feel or apriciate

These are the things that (truly) really matter

never enough -miss u like a dog

Watch how the sun color them bright

To watch the 

I push myself into the flow and the feel

So I will always be hungry for more

What else to do when one is so alone*?

But I can never get enough*?

You see it heals a tiny bit and fills and patches wounds a little bit

But why is nothing ever enough

And there was a time i never had enough

But that might have been better

So that I do not know how it can be

So I do not always long or miss like a dog

No matter what

alone in the entries and landscapes i observe out of the ordinary 

The glimts in trees

And lights and ordinary streets

And the pure fresh air

I push myself into the flow and the feel

They all think

I am a strange strange girl 

here is your future ☆☆☆

In their hands

They hold a beating black thing?

They say "here is your future".

Look at it, 

spit at it, 

and do what you want with it

But here you have it

Well

Anyway

You feel your life, these past few years wasted but no time on earth is wasted

Its not a race

Its a journey

And you are on it

But my thin hope is running out

Thin as ricepaper

Or the love from my mother/razor baldes

Silk, needles, thin metal sheets

Religion speaks more and more to me

-

Tell me I will be okay

could you leave a little space for me? ☆☆

I am surfacing in

The space left behind

The space left open (like a boat)

(like a thought)

Could you

Leave a little space for me at the end

Of your coffee table

At the end of your autumn/winter

At the moment when the rain stops

And earth turns to song 

Could you share with me a (little) sigh of relief

Looking at the falling leaves

Between and under the gaps of light

Streeks of hope

Brushing our heads and our palms warm

Watching the yellow gold 

Of streetlamps and afternoon sun

Down the river or the forest floor in snow

Could you leave a little space for my hand

In the pocket of your jacket

In the space between your rib and your heart

Could you leave a little space for me

In the small moments of every time

We feel this sweet secret of the world

Our little togheter-smile

Of our little jokes

You and me

Snaupies

Floating in between the strokes of light admiring above our heads also the darkest of clouds

Could it be 

You and me

Have felt and hoped and dreamt and lived something so precious 

And personal 

And hopeful

As this enourmous little space

You leave for me

At every corner/brick of your life

At every stop, every hilltop

Where the arms open up

Could you leave a little space for my

In your elbow creek

On the tiny uncluttered space 

On the tip of your shoe

On the other side of the umbrella

I could hold ypu forever 

(At the empty space by your soft cheek)

That fresh, tiny bearth of hope

you leave for me 

persevre it in my heart ☆

I know now

How I cling

Bite every tooth (my teeth)

Wholeheartedly into the moment

(But also) Into the people

Surronding it

I never meant to do so

I only felt an immense sensation of light, 

warmth from all around

and did so in trying to perserve it

But I have started to learn to let go

To let all things feel and float

A small happy (lightfilled) glimpse

Can be enough

And now 

Amongst gaps of light over the snow

Glittering in white grass

"Or the frozen branches in headlights"

I can see it and feel it and i can breathe it

And perserve it in my heart

Memories pickled in cotton laced jars

I do not need anyone else to see

the beauty i see, to know the truth in my arteries

The root of my heart

That this is what we lost with the suitcase and the train to the city

the loneliness of this little body ☆

In this little body of mine

I carry a heart too big and heavy

I think through 

All these years

These mountains of dispear

Feeling a loneliness so immense

And enormeous

Its going to shred my being

My flesh 

my soul

Into thin soluable fiber

Tiny fragments 

Until i am desintigrated

Atoms and quarks 

I will cease to exist

Because nobody truly

Knew that i did

In all of the fullness

And colours

Carving my soul/in my soul

The starving of a heart ☆

You do not know

How good it is

To starve

Your heart

Of the things it needs 

The strings it keeps

The things it holds

Inside its pocets like a shell

The light that cuts out

(When hope bleeds out)

You dont know

That some of my happiest moments

Were surrounded by a cotton tissue of grief, of dark and sticky melancholy

(Covering my body)

You dont know

How it is to see the moon shine clearly 

Never has it been so beautiful

As when seen through pain

As when the sword pierces the chest 

And you hold onto each little drop of something beautiful 

Because all else is not

And something hopeful

Because all else is not

Something of meaining

Or beauty

Or hope in this world

To feel that in the midst of things like trees and the twinkeling stars and cicadas (the whisper of insects) or the warmth of the sun

One is never truly lonely, or truly alone