**beauty -fiks

i wish to create beauty

vow it from my heartstrings

bleed it from my eyes

To crack my spine

break a source of life

Make a sound so crisp 

You cant help but cry

im wary

its like im breathing 

but my thorath

is just a little too tight

this underlying

uncomfortabilty

of something not being right

im hurting

and i wonder

if i am the one

making myself hurt

by what i consume

endless dread

the glooming doom

spiriling into whirlwinds

of sadness

and a corner of my brain

likes it

it calls it

the beauty of melancholy

the comfort of suffering

the feeling of being young

pretty 

unseen

your suffering makes you feel

unique

like you’re special

a victim of this cruel life

like the world has done you wrong

but it was supposed to do you right

all along

like the world owed you something 

you never get what you deserve

and you have the right to be upset about it

i see myself 

hair flowy and glowing

as i cry covered in slik

cheecks red 

sinking in silver

as i drown in the river

is this euphoria from embracing a sadness i put upon myself

or i dug up from deep down?

is that wrong either way?

i deal a lot with a certain category

limiting boxes

the notion that right or wrong

isnt black and white

what is wrong? 

what is right?

is anything ever wrong

or right

lately i think its a spectrum

variations of worse and better

never entirely one thing

just like you and me

maybe romantizicing the difficulty of life

makes it easier to live through

i like how i think i know the difficulity of life

yet i have only experience the smallest fraction

of human experience

still i am not completely clueless

to the bleeding we all share

the wounds we cover up

and the continuing pursuit of happiness 

that enhances the fact

that we can't find it within ourselves 

we all just want to be okay

yet forget we create our definition

of okay

everything will be okay

and everything is okay

or maybe its not

and thats okay