i dont want to wake up

i wake up and the world is just 

a little too much

the rawness of reality slaps me in the face

like the weight of wet concrete 

covering my body

the sun stings in the red corners of my eyes

the world screams in my face after the calm night

the illusion of peace is punctured

i was happily loosing myself

in the fantasy land

created in my mind

sleep is just death being shy

and dying shouldn't be this comforting

once i open my eyes

i am once again reminded of how i'll probably one day forget my dreams

because this is the real world with office jobs, unpaid rents, miserable lives

its just hard to open my eyes to a cruel world where the fear of failing is all i will ever know

with my eyes shut everything seems calm and approachable

my dreams are in reach and i'm brave enough to grip around the endless possibilites

but when i open my eyes i am brought back to reality

where there is too much brutal truth

too much anger and too much doubt

expectations and ideals

i again close my eyes not because i'm sleepy 

i'm just tired

i would like to loose myself and not come back

that's what all the kids want

the vodka

the weed

is just a way to forget yourself for a moment

forget the real world for a few seconds

all i want is to loose my mind

and to find myself

take me away to a hopeful place

where i can be myself

and passion is all it takes

to make it

i'd like to be happily ignorant

i want a comfortable fantasy world where the grass glitters 

and the disco balls twirl until the moon turns to dust

we'll all be immortal

in a party that lasts for eternity

i dont really want to die

yet what i am describing

is the unbelievable afterlife