☆ i want to be meat ☆

i wanna chug down

bottles of glass now

taste of tears 

in my mouth

i wanna swallow 

the set 

of kitchen knives 

i think they'll do good 

inside my hives

now

now

please

need some company

need some release

burning in my throath

to ease

to please

something, something

to cut the feeling

of the world

rotting

kill me

kill me, please

to cut the feeling

all feeling

to cut me

are you okay?

are you okay?

yeah i'm full 

of adrenaline

i'm ecstatic 

i see a pretty vase, 

flowered cup

i want 

to ruin it

throw it down a cliff

watch its beauty shift

like i'll do to

my body

too many things 

have been done to me

i want to be meat

forget my frame

my shell

my soul

let my skin boil

☆ slave ☆

i'd like to wax on

my wings now

to feel

to see

to be

this isnt where i want to be

the future feels

like a mechnical machine

a number on a screen

documentary on TV

and i'm wondering 

which type of contestant

i will be

i want to fly far away

where i'm not sick

and roofs are blue

where i can live

and life can be true

empty faces

fake-nice voices

wrong minded 

wrong choices

this life

makes me nauseous

lost in a swirl

a swirl of endless office

nothing to offer

forever and ever

until I fall over 

i sold my life to the contract

it contracts my hours

and give me paper for the hassle

a number on the shoulder

wrap me in polyester 

and tell me its natural

they tell me to step in line

wait for my time

to not be around

stample my lips

and glue my eyes

i am a slave

to the state

i am a slave

to the rat race

to walls and fences 

i cant escape

☆ twisted truth ☆

roofs are white

maybe 

they used to be

red or green or blue

i cant trust 

my head to remember

and whenever it looks white

i feel like finding you

to hang up some flowers

or paint a pattern all through 

yet the paint wears of

rust and dust cover up

and i cannot see my intention 

and our patterns are silent

and its oh so silent

but i keep shut

hush

hush

hush

☆ everyone's favourite colour ☆

oh

to be cold

crystalized

sharp

i bled long

i cried hard

but my color 

remains in dread

my color remains red

my sparks not fled

my head not dead

though i tried

to be blue

to calculate

my way to

shallow water parks

surface marks

and shiny cars

they teach us to be

what they like to see

handy little instruments

adult proof weapons

and i tried to be 

of their use

despite my crimson blood

and rose thorns all through 

i thought commitment

and hard work

was more noble

than love

than passion 

than happiness

i listened to my father 

my mother

i digress

since they day i was born

you'd pinch my skin

color my blood

with blue thorns

to give me blue thoughts

blue horns

you gave me painting sets

and told me i was capable of it

of making my best palette

your best palette

be your favourite 

and my fingers

could be cold

if i drained my heart

sold my soul

and all around

important people

would make the same

scratchy sound

mumbling

mathematic buzzing

soulless action

eyes glued

to numbers we imagined 

for efficiency

paper we printed

and said would lead

to equality

no wonder we can't

cut deeper

when the knife 

isn't real

no wonder they

call us witches

because we see

put us in flames of red

we'll melt 

happily

☆ fly ☆

i have wings that want to fly

still my feet stay ground

a heart that wants to burn

but eyes that close and turn

a brain outside my head

a head outside my life

a soul that wants cotton

a soul that wants the knife

i have holes who need filling

and a driller that keeps drilling

but my hands that keep clipping

my feet that keep chipping

are'nt encompassing enough

loud enough 

to get to the core

to find the missing colour 

all my rain

takes too long 

and i need to

fill my lake

fill my lake

i dont fill it often

i dont

i forget my lake

i forget my life

so i turn to my vice

my pacemaking device

☆ window ☆

the edges of my city

burn red like fall

but i'm freezing cold

outside its wall

windows smile at me

i beg them "open please"

warm light

on a snowy night

raw and crystalized

i think i've made it over

but i always find

there are new fences 

to climb around

the roads, the people

the things change

but one thing stays the same

i always feel i'm in the way

the light wont stay

i end up in the corner 

under a frozen tree

shivering teeth

so let me in please

im knocking on your door

with my heartbeat

open your arms

open them for me

pound like my bitten fingers

be the warm red stream

my pulse thats about to leave

the cold fog

hypnotizes me

the glitter on the snow 

winters release 

smoky icetips

that pierce through 

my fingertips

i never remember 

how beautiful it is

to feel the cold sing

all the peace 

pain can bring

................................

i used to color you

all through 

like a rainbow

i was the sun to 

showers of blue

your rain drops

now you just drip down

the shadows

of my neck

my spine 

needles of ice

you cover my eyes

rain down on me

droplets of steel

rods of metal

you are the cage

to once agian

lock us in

safe within

tears that peirce

through light

through love

through your fears

lock yourself in your tears

so often 

you forget they're a cage

numbers and mumbling 

and a face

you dont talk anymore

you just say words

to hide the unheard

gestures and words

are all there is

you dont know what depth is

your words are depthless to me

like the lakes and streams

pulsating through 

those we called enemies

but we never had them

we made them

now you are them

and they are you

but i will still open my arms

and my window

give you some cold light 

on a warm august night

like the light i hope you'll shine on me

and i'll give you my hand and a smile

though you forgot the stars and all else

we ever talked about

you'll still get a cup of tea

on my doorstep

you still mean a lot to me

you will always mean a lot to me

and i will give you 

a box of matchsticks

a candle

a bed

and a wooden room

and you'll decide what to do

you'll decide what to do

light only the candle

or light me too

☆ decorate ☆

can't feel my arms

hungry hands

twitching fingers

am i holding a knife

or holding the air?

clenching a gun

or clenching my fist?

its a present

a suprise

a gift

i never know

when i'll decorate my skin

when i'll decorate the walls

but i know i will

i know i will