☆ In line ☆

Oh, to fit like a book in the shelf

That never wants to be opened

Like clothes folded at the bottomn of the closet

Like ducks at the pond, swimming in line

I wanted to be in line, folded, rectangular

Like a white house with white bars and white windows sills

I felt i was something strange and unpleasant

An animal in the zoo noone wanted to look at

A bacteria, a piece of mold, a stain

Something to get rid of

Something to discard

So i just wanted to be easy

Like most and to feel seen when i am only being watched

To be washed down to molecular parts only to be formed

to fit into the mold 

and to be cut 

by the cutter

old figures of the past

Old figures of the past

I did not know how much love

i still poured in their glasses at every meal

with the cucumber, honey and oatmeal

Another life and another time

Have they forgot 

The beaches and the stores and the carrides

And noone reaches out

Like we reached out our arms to the world, our hands out the windows

And they seem to flow and fill truly

Finally like flowers in all their colours

I just wish I could be there, and blossom too

Feels like an ocean apart

When i remember and look at the photographs

I know they are all doing better

Better than ever

And I am filled with warmth and love and laughter

I want to braid their hair and beed bracelets, run trough cornfields and to have sleepovers like we were children

And I pour over with love

Though i could never have told anyone

It could never be the same agian

I am just an old figure of the past 

☆no rush ☆

The wind brings the world

Raw ocean air with crystals of ice

I close my eyes to feel it and be it

And in the smell of melting snow and smoke and blooming flower buds

Life Is not your feet or hands or brain

And how fast they can travel

Life Is your fingertips and cheeks and warmth

I wish to have a big life

To live with my whole

And when the sun seeps between the trees

And the leaves turn the colour of sunsets

There should be no running with hands and feet and brain

I want the truth in water droplets on leaves and wheat fields 

of all things rich and lush

No rush

No rush

No comparison

☆◇a good life◇☆

Strange formations

Straight lines and kitchen tiles

And a good life

Is not guilt or a checklist or a chore

What is even

A good life

Other than one of many

But lived true and carefully

And what much better do you feel

From the guilt of everything you could have done always everyday

And espesially what others say

And a body gets tired

And there is only so much

One can do and be

So breathe easy

And flow 

And flow

And feel

scraping earth

We endlessly roam

And scrape the surface of earth

For anything not a man

Or not manmade

It is our duty

As humans 

To kill

We scrape

Scrath life

Out of everything 

everywhere alive

But ourselves 

And look what it leaves us

Rotting limbs

Half awake

We have created an image

Of the devine

With a human mind, hands and mouth

How could we think

Anything holy and whole

Would resemble us

Our being is full of holes

We worship no god

We worship our own

And consequenses do come

Nature has its own way to show

Who is really in control

We do not know

Earth anymore

We do not know ourselves 

Thinking we can lock ourselves out and away

From natures fate

decomposing

I like my head thick

Skull white 

and weighted

The thought

The temptation

Of bones relapsing 

to new places 

Of glass 

and gardens in vases

Falling

Splitting and bursting

And reflecting in the sun

Like how i know

who i am

The sound 

The soft pull

When wine hits the ground

When teeth wrap their tounge

And metal rises in throat

When you close 

And turn and turn

Or feel the pretty burn

Of blood on your lounges

And earth

Earth is alive

Always

Always

In you 

The aching wound

The rasping rash

Of too much

Or not enough

Takes me

Heals

And holds me

I cover myself 

With falling cherries

And wet petals

Until the bugs crawl back

Awakened in their trance

I am brought to life

To see

The decomposing 

The muddening 

Of my very own body

But i am already blooming

You see

I want you to believe 

I am in my prime

The right color and sound

Don't notice 

The colour pouring over the ground 

A slit in the stem

Its me not them

Patterns and petals unflolding 

No turning back

But please not this

Not this

Not this

leaves

In all their colour 

and all their light

The leaves squint eyes

And feel teardrops of the sky

Wash them away

All will heal

All will fade 

Being held by the sky

Being held by the earth

Breathe rain, smoke and dirt

Reach your glaced cold fingers 

To the spinning stars

And with split minds

Our galaxy sliced

Our bodies made from stars

Shinethrough like glass 

Just breathe and breathe and breathe

All is earth, all is alright 

And people like nature

Shift into different shapes 

and tangles of colour

And its after the cold white bright

You'll see blossoms in springlight

With black branches high

Curved and moulded and reaching

Like the sticks of the sun

Or the sticks that are my bones

And in the shower of a million petals

What dont colour you

Might colour me

In my hand i also hold my own

And I love i love i love