☆ window ☆

the edges of my city

burn red like fall

but i'm freezing cold

outside its wall

windows smile at me

i beg them "open please"

warm light

on a snowy night

raw and crystalized

i think i've made it over

but i always find

there are new fences 

to climb around

the roads, the people

the things change

but one thing stays the same

i always feel i'm in the way

the light wont stay

i end up in the corner 

under a frozen tree

shivering teeth

so let me in please

im knocking on your door

with my heartbeat

open your arms

open them for me

pound like my bitten fingers

be the warm red stream

my pulse thats about to leave

the cold fog

hypnotizes me

the glitter on the snow 

winters release 

smoky icetips

that pierce through 

my fingertips

i never remember 

how beautiful it is

to feel the cold sing

all the peace 

pain can bring

................................

i used to color you

all through 

like a rainbow

i was the sun to 

showers of blue

your rain drops

now you just drip down

the shadows

of my neck

my spine 

needles of ice

you cover my eyes

rain down on me

droplets of steel

rods of metal

you are the cage

to once agian

lock us in

safe within

tears that peirce

through light

through love

through your fears

lock yourself in your tears

so often 

you forget they're a cage

numbers and mumbling 

and a face

you dont talk anymore

you just say words

to hide the unheard

gestures and words

are all there is

you dont know what depth is

your words are depthless to me

like the lakes and streams

pulsating through 

those we called enemies

but we never had them

we made them

now you are them

and they are you

but i will still open my arms

and my window

give you some cold light 

on a warm august night

like the light i hope you'll shine on me

and i'll give you my hand and a smile

though you forgot the stars and all else

we ever talked about

you'll still get a cup of tea

on my doorstep

you still mean a lot to me

you will always mean a lot to me

and i will give you 

a box of matchsticks

a candle

a bed

and a wooden room

and you'll decide what to do

you'll decide what to do

light only the candle

or light me too

☆ decorate ☆

can't feel my arms

hungry hands

twitching fingers

am i holding a knife

or holding the air?

clenching a gun

or clenching my fist?

its a present

a suprise

a gift

i never know

when i'll decorate my skin

when i'll decorate the walls

but i know i will

i know i will

cliff

anger fuels me

strange energy

pulls me to cliffs

edges of humanity

i cling to the trees

the rocks

the moss

nails ripped out

fingers break off

i let go

dragged to breaking point

lightning in my bones 

splits in the stones

i'll just

shut the fuck up

brave knight

the night crawls

dark, cold, hungry

still moonlight brights

shines when no one's around

brave knight in the night

i let armor protect me

safe from the unforseen

sideways stabs

all attacks 

but with soft hands you

remove my hard shell

i didnt ask you to

i didnt want you to

without silver

i'm easy to break

cut, slit, unmake

by your hands i am so weak

though you are sweet

you have such deep capabilities 

to hurt me

a knife's kiss is all it'll take

my life on the stake

you do what you want to me 

heat or cool me

boil or freeze me

or keep me comfortably warm

left wondering if warmth is worth 

glaciers forming in the dark

needles of frost in my lungs

icecubes in my bones

rose in my hand

mine, only mine

blood red and alive

flourishing with power

individuality

creativity

but when i am with you

the flower turns blue

fulfilled and calm

petals flow like an ocean

waves, sand, soft flowing

i used to love my river of blood

my thick stream

full of gleam

i didnt need you to change me

you almost bring me back

to a the past

before my color

before my blooming

was it all for nothing?

are my petals still good enough 

am i back to rotting flowerbeds

was i ever flowing trough the forest

looking up at sunshine through leaves

or did i just trick myself?

i like the passion and ambition in red

i like warnings and i like adventures

does your love make me

someone i dont want to be?

is the blue a sign of rotting

a sign of death

or is it okay to be something new

although it isnt exactly what you wanted to

i dont know what to do

though i love you

i'm tired of war with me

war with you 

i need balance

purple obduction

lavender concoction

to make me some of what i was

and some of what you make me

discontentment

brain fat dissolves

chemically calm

rotting body

fallen leaves

blood thinning 

to water streams

hunger

nothing's ever enough

for me

constantly starving

can't find a full meal

the stars

the moon

the sea

have all become apetizers 

to me

☆married to the world☆

i'm on a journey

involuntary 

decay of memory

blissed rediscovery

i am nothing

blank as the milky sea

then i am everything

i let the world wrap around me