brave knight

the night crawls

dark, cold, hungry

still moonlight brights

shines when no one's around

brave knight in the night

i let armor protect me

safe from the unforseen

sideways stabs

all attacks 

but with soft hands you

remove my hard shell

i didnt ask you to

i didnt want you to

without silver

i'm easy to break

cut, slit, unmake

by your hands i am so weak

though you are sweet

you have such deep capabilities 

to hurt me

a knife's kiss is all it'll take

my life on the stake

you do what you want to me 

heat or cool me

boil or freeze me

or keep me comfortably warm

left wondering if warmth is worth 

glaciers forming in the dark

needles of frost in my lungs

icecubes in my bones

rose in my hand

mine, only mine

blood red and alive

flourishing with power

individuality

creativity

but when i am with you

the flower turns blue

fulfilled and calm

petals flow like an ocean

waves, sand, soft flowing

i used to love my river of blood

my thick stream

full of gleam

i didnt need you to change me

you almost bring me back

to a the past

before my color

before my blooming

was it all for nothing?

are my petals still good enough 

am i back to rotting flowerbeds

was i ever flowing trough the forest

looking up at sunshine through leaves

or did i just trick myself?

i like the passion and ambition in red

i like warnings and i like adventures

does your love make me

someone i dont want to be?

is the blue a sign of rotting

a sign of death

or is it okay to be something new

although it isnt exactly what you wanted to

i dont know what to do

though i love you

i'm tired of war with me

war with you 

i need balance

purple obduction

lavender concoction

to make me some of what i was

and some of what you make me

discontentment

brain fat dissolves

chemically calm

rotting body

fallen leaves

blood thinning 

to water streams

hunger

nothing's ever enough

for me

constantly starving

can't find a full meal

the stars

the moon

the sea

have all become apetizers 

to me

☆married to the world☆

i'm on a journey

involuntary 

decay of memory

blissed rediscovery

i am nothing

blank as the milky sea

then i am everything

i let the world wrap around me

☆ my wax light ☆ -fikss

poetry becomes

my wax light

in the thickening blackness

of the night

the dark draws

shadows on my face

crawl like worms

behind my eyes

my other face

i distract myself

with sharp pens 

soft skin

stinging ink

trembeling 

i seep into paper

bend through scribbles

my emotions flow in colour

i float into fever dreams

of star dust and eternal sun beams

ecstasy of expressing

my experience of the world 

through wrinkled words

stroking the catterpillars

grotesque animals

in the corners of my brain

moths and bugs and worms

i inspect them closely

write about their art

how they're cute 

infectious and absurd

before my hunger takes control

i eat them for dessert 

☆sink☆

air is smooth

earth is gray

colorless bliss

lully me away

the world wants me to forget

heavy blanket covers my head

earth is hollow

calmlike dread

the night weeps into mud

mushed watercolors

wet country roads

the fabric of the universe

rips at my toetips

how can anyone live like this?

i slip through the trees

grasp the branches

tugging at my hair

ripping out something else

somewhere

i can’t think

draining down the holes 

in my sink

i am the blood 

and i am the spit

i run thick

a pool of muddy water above me

spiraling around 

like whirlwinds in my mind

engulfing all that is around

i was here and i was alive

paralized

by nothing

the nothing 

in the core of everything 

coating everything 

we have given this all meaning 

i'm terrified

of the nobody 

i one day might become

to forget

being forgot 

is all i do

all relations

all tasks

all experiences

another hopless begging

screach into the void

of i was here and i was alive

of never forget me

never loose me

let me dissolve 

melt into nothing

i can't fathom nothing 

maybe all we do 

is scream to be seen

there’s someting to be left of me

charity, empires, family

immortal through death projects

we are in what we create 

what we create will live forever

no the earth does not

move on

cannot move on

weather, vulcanos and war

could never soak, burn or kill

what is left of us

if that is even us

we lie ourselves to sleep at night

to lullabies of conquering death 

i was here and i was alive 

i'll never die

i can not

no

i have to believe 

i will live through 

all that i love

i'll live through you

and one day you'll forget

and all those i cared for

will be long gone, dead

and all i was and all i said

will together with this poem shred

and the earth will move on and on

and that should be okay

but its not

i cant escape or accept my fate

in the end we'll all rot