☆ my wax light ☆ -fikss

poetry becomes

my wax light

in the thickening blackness

of the night

the dark draws

shadows on my face

crawl like worms

behind my eyes

my other face

i distract myself

with sharp pens 

soft skin

stinging ink

trembeling 

i seep into paper

bend through scribbles

my emotions flow in colour

i float into fever dreams

of star dust and eternal sun beams

ecstasy of expressing

my experience of the world 

through wrinkled words

stroking the catterpillars

grotesque animals

in the corners of my brain

moths and bugs and worms

i inspect them closely

write about their art

how they're cute 

infectious and absurd

before my hunger takes control

i eat them for dessert 

☆sink☆

air is smooth

earth is gray

colorless bliss

lully me away

the world wants me to forget

heavy blanket covers my head

earth is hollow

calmlike dread

the night weeps into mud

mushed watercolors

wet country roads

the fabric of the universe

rips at my toetips

how can anyone live like this?

i slip through the trees

grasp the branches

tugging at my hair

ripping out something else

somewhere

i can’t think

draining down the holes 

in my sink

i am the blood 

and i am the spit

i run thick

a pool of muddy water above me

spiraling around 

like whirlwinds in my mind

engulfing all that is around

i was here and i was alive

paralized

by nothing

the nothing 

in the core of everything 

coating everything 

we have given this all meaning 

i'm terrified

of the nobody 

i one day might become

to forget

being forgot 

is all i do

all relations

all tasks

all experiences

another hopless begging

screach into the void

of i was here and i was alive

of never forget me

never loose me

let me dissolve 

melt into nothing

i can't fathom nothing 

maybe all we do 

is scream to be seen

there’s someting to be left of me

charity, empires, family

immortal through death projects

we are in what we create 

what we create will live forever

no the earth does not

move on

cannot move on

weather, vulcanos and war

could never soak, burn or kill

what is left of us

if that is even us

we lie ourselves to sleep at night

to lullabies of conquering death 

i was here and i was alive 

i'll never die

i can not

no

i have to believe 

i will live through 

all that i love

i'll live through you

and one day you'll forget

and all those i cared for

will be long gone, dead

and all i was and all i said

will together with this poem shred

and the earth will move on and on

and that should be okay

but its not

i cant escape or accept my fate

in the end we'll all rot

☆ streetlights ☆

theres a lot you might realize

on a night bathed in streetlights

between sips of red wine

that will spin the stars in your mind

round and around

life tastes of greif

salt, and blood

beware of

the destructive 

asteroid 

we call love

when all light is gone

constellations of stars

highlight our scars

our minds like war zones 

our hearts like sinking stones

we are blue, bare and cold

yearning for a bit of warmth

dying for a speck of love

your one

he leaves to soon

melts into the moon

don't dear dream

he'll melt into you

a warmth you almost had

but will ultimatly loose

dont get your hopes up

they'll lay flat 

where he stomps his shoes

but you adore him

never then less

you might do so

until your death

and when that glory day

may come

when you'll finally lay your head down 

no one can say 

you lived a life without love

☆ am i my brain? ☆

i don't see how anyone

can keep composure

stay sane

being tied to another 

invisible chain

tied to these arms

this body

this brain

is this all i am?

a biologic miracle

of human evolution

a set of cognitive abilities

that became liabilities

in dopamine narcotic cities

i am able to grasp so much

but i'll never quite understand

what the universe is

who i am

an animal in the eukarya domain?

a piece of moving meat

narcissistic enough 

to think i am not

that everything i am

can simply not rot 

when my body is buried 

and long forgot

my consciousness wants to be

more than 

an organ in a body

it wants to be

part of some intergalactic web

some energetic fabric

separate form

my shelter of flesh

i want to have a soul

or an energy one can not

feel or hold

so scared of fading 

into nothing

stiff and cold

my last hope is to be eternal

through dirt, bacteria and mold

give life to poppies

who braid into my soil

stranger

these are somebody

elses hands

elses hair

elses eyes

i look in the mirror 

and the stranger looks back

i wonder what she thinks

and how she is like

☆ the universe experiencing itself ☆

complex celestial beings

highly intelligent species

capable of miracles like 

science

philosophy 

advanced technology

but we can never understand 

anything really

about the world

or how we feel

i'm playing a guessing game

russian roulette

with chemical signals

in my brain

my neurotransmitters

driving me insane

analyzing abstract sensations

through a sense system

that is flawed

distorted

formed 

by unreliable lenses 

called eyes

and the multicolored visions

they create for me

are judged and perceived

through my personal experience 

of reality

shaped by ideas and beliefs

formed by 

the field 

where i sprung up 

the dirt 

where i first

fixed my roots 

i grow

i rot

i bloom

our only expression

way to convey

miracles of the universe 

the absurdity we observe

is using our bodies as instruments

to play out thoughts and feelings

to use as much of our hands

brains

tongues

eyes

to show all we can

and can't see

let someone know how we 

hurt and heal

 

how doomed and blessed

we are to feel

cycles and patterns

never ending wheel

through our veins

runs something so surreal