Like a soul ☆

The specks of nature

Scattered around

Like bushes and trees and flower-crowns

Mostly cut down and moulded

But some remain to show 

the slow earthly changes

like the shimmer of a soul

From cold rose patterns of frost 

into colour and blooming and sprouting from mud

I close and open

Into green and lush and full before

My world blossoms up into thirsty glow

the world blinking warm

There is a hand that I hold, let go and watch

The beautiful destruction fall

And the heavy leaves, and a bent spine with splints and creaks 

turns into the rotting of a cold motionless winter

The rotting of a bed and a life and a chest

But still the slow pull of the coloured and mild into white and harsh

Reminds of the string-like bones

That will once again pull us into lush and beautiful 

It just takes time

Takes time

As the nature is

As am I

And to feel and know

Light blue turns deeper and fuller further up by the moon

Or a peach pink after the sleep of the sun

Is alive even behind clouds

The world is whole

The world is round

And somewhere the colours reflect 

in the glaze of human eyes*

Even with too much light to see all the small stars in the sky

Somewhere they shine as ever, up against the deep black sky

Although dim, this tells me there will somewhere sometime, be a fiery light

There is so much i cannot see or feel

In this dark sleep

But knowing what once was

and still remanis

Tells me 

everything will be fine 

It will be okay

The world will change

Like the slow pulse

and glimmer

Of a soul

to have ◇☆

My happiness

Is cleaved in two

By the sharp edges of the shadow,

It bends and twists 

Behind my shoulder

Tinting my eyes, my breath 

with ink (blue) and black mold

Fingertips cold

I stand outside a door

A door I know is not mine

But its better to knock as a silent cry

Then to starve in the night

Remember, it will be allright 

Allright 

All I need right now anyway 

Is just any kind of thing

Just to have something,

Something like a door or a window

Moving and bending

With air and hope

Just something that opens

Like a shell or a dream or a chest

Like the colours of the night 

Opening into light

Just to have something 

Anything 

I look up at the lamplight, /clouds

Anything

Anything 

foggy for a while

Foggy for a while

Roads turning white

I do not know 

Who or what

And hard to keep 

Head on neck

Filled with metal scarps

Or rice, or cotton, or plastic bags

And all that remains is a lingering

Sticky feeling

Slick and raw like fish

Cut in two

On ice at a market

The trobbing numbness and confusion

Cannot be screamed

The walls of my skull

Need to be cleaned

☆ The red song ☆

As i live here in the world

I want to stich sensations into the earth

With threads of all there is to feel

But no matter the word, it cannot explain

the fabric of strings

holding the human heart 

from falling apart

I wish i could feel my heart

My pulse, my beat, my song

Oh, how it used to sing before

Not sure I remember anymore

Pounding and living

Like all things evolving and curling

Ripping like the sun and the sunflowers and the shadows

Moving in its frame

Evoling like we

I keep thinking I'm a deep hole

A shadow of what I used to know

But maybe I never forgot 

I might be lost

But we all are

And remember always

That life evolves

Songs can become branched

redder

and more beautiful 

☆ last bird ☆

See the dust collecting like fog

Brushed up from cars on roads

Thick and white and draped

Weighing down roofs, bed covers and necks

Morning and night

Listen

Can you hear any birds?

I heard the cry of one

In the blue of night

And I heard 

It was the last of its kind

Crying out a melodic wish

A lonesome call

But no one was left

Who could sing that song

endless

In its hands

At strange times

The world holds me soft

If i am brave enough 

To take the leap

To peek out between the dusty blinds

Slip on shoes and look to the world

The air is soft and raw 

Like a little mountain stream

As the seeds start sprouting again

I want the white petals

Of snowbells 

In backyard hills

And grass to grow and beetles to crawl

I am just one of many beings

In the cut out blue shade 

Of summer and spring

I am of this world

And in it very much

Feel the grass and the rocks and the miles

Stretch and reach

Out and out trough the valleys

And plains and forests and waters

Covering ground with life  

Watch the buildings and lakes and rivers and streets melt into the stars

Pulsating out and out

Into the deep

The miles and rocks and specks of dust

Stretch and reach 

Into the millions of suns

I am just one of many things and beings

A little stream

And it is raw air in my lungs

And birds singing in branches

And the sun on roofs and trees

To be able to feel

The world is endless

Life covers

Life is endless 

So if i get another chance 

I hope to be a flower

A lily on a hill

I hope to live where I can feel

The mountain dip into the ocean

And to see the wind and sun reach

◇☆ something is missing ☆◇

How can you 

know who you are

with so many contradictions

bloodshed and roses

blooming inside of you

Can you see the color of your hands?

pink and raw 

like a heart (closed)

You are still many things

that have much to live

but something is missing

something is missing 

You do not know 

where to look

For a second

a split second

the sun shone trough crystals in windows

the fruit was ripe 

and the forest buzzing

For a split second

you had it

something so precious and fragile

like a small creature

kitten or duckling

in your palm

your hands shaking

On the tip of your finger

you held a droplet of water

a flower petal

the strands of a star 

Something is missing

Something is missing