trapped

i'm restless

my fingers keep on fikling

my eyes are twitching

i'm biting my nails

piercing them into my palms

tearing out my hair

biting my lips until they bleed

my bones are aching

and i feel like escaping

this body

that i am trapped in

☆ supermassive black hole ☆

i need to keep this flow 

of creativity

capture the inspiration pulsating 

through my body

i need to be more than a 

collection of bones

i want to float like tunes

in my headphones

crashing through the city 

like a dozen cyclones

i'm lit up like

a light bulb

always afraid the electricity 

will shut off

what if i loose my glow?

what if i loose the parts of me 

i love the most?

if the poet in me dies

i'll be buried with it

if my words wont unfold or bloom

just know i've reached my doom

my deepest fear is forgetting 

all i have become

my mind becoming 

blank as snow

i can no longer see 

my own shadow

as my hands dissolve

into the cold

i'm afraid the smallest leap 

in wrong direction

will make me slip down 

an endless slope

downhill

back to the black 

the darkness of my past

i'll be sucked into the void

a supermassive black hole

where i'll become my old self

thinking about her makes me loose my breath

i'm not finished celebrating her death

☆ the raw truth burns, but damn it feels good ☆

there is a certain rawness to you

a stinging, rasping kind of beauty

like the bite of the weeping wind

or the needles and safety pins piercing

through my skin

this world is one of endless suffering

its the raw truth

the spirit of our youth

It transcends all the glitter people sparkle on the surface

and all the bullshit they spit out to appear as perfect

you're beautiful in a way i cant explain

like the metallic taste of blood

the smell of cigarette smoke

a freezing snow storm

you're a supernova of sweet destruction

roses full of thorns

clothes with rips and holes

i start to feel my hands getting cold

every word that travels from your vocal cords

to the tip of your tongue

are real and raw

naked and bear

stripped and stampled

they're painfully true

served with the nicest of cutlery

coated in transparency

they rasp up my tongue and sting at my gums

i'm not used to swallowing this much honesty

people have been feeding me black lies

artificiality 

chemical sweeteners

they showed me a shining fasade

i knew we are all flawed

but you showed me how hiding it is a fraud

there's too much sorrow out here on this floating rock in space

but its easier to tolerate

if you create a lesson out of the pain

your own mind is the opponent you have to face

tell yourself that its human to be scattered in parts

our burns and scars are what sculpt our hearts

the broken peices remind us to be kind 

to not be blind to the pain left behind

to not inflict that pain upon others

Ughh get out of my head

you're stuck in my head, like a song on repeat. 

i hear your voice every time i wake up, 

when i try to go to sleep. 

i listen unwillingly to your chords and your guitar strokes. 

you occupy my brain in the weirdest of circumstances; 

you appear abruptly, whenever i'm biking, drawing, talking. 

one second i'm whole,

the next i'm falling apart,

i need to sit the fuck down, 

and clear my thoughts.

whats the cause? 

the minor heart attacks i get from you, 

all of you, 

your perfections and flaws. 

i can feel your rhythm when i wish for silence, 

when i wish for you to leave. 

fuck.

i even listen to you in my dreams. 

i try to block you out. 

i dont want to hear to another word. 

but i cant run away from the fact, 

that you're the most beautiful song i have ever heard.

meleğim

19.11.21

min engel,

meleğim,

vil du fly meg bort?

til en himmel full av farger 

hvor livet ikke er sort

til en verden hvor vi lever i drømmene våre

i stedet for å lengte etter dem

hvor hodene våre er fylt med stjerner

og vi kan bruke evigheten 

til å speide opp på tusen lanterner

the ocean

as i look at the horizon from the cliff i'd like to jump of

my feet being cut by sharp rock

i feel the howling cry of the ocean

the sea calls me with a thousand voices

i feel it swallowing me whole

my fingers and toes loosing control

i am not only in the ocean

i am the ocean 

i am its rage

i am its sorrow

i am its longing

i am all the shades of blue 

as i smash into the rocks

throw myself harshly against the shore

until i feel raspy and torn

my muscles and knuckles are sore

but the waves cant wash away

all the poison that tears at my core

☆ messy ☆

my feelings are messy

my words even messier

they're either tangled up in unsolvable knots

or smeared all over like butter on toast