the ocean

as i look at the horizon from the cliff i'd like to jump of

my feet being cut by sharp rock

i feel the howling cry of the ocean

the sea calls me with a thousand voices

i feel it swallowing me whole

my fingers and toes loosing control

i am not only in the ocean

i am the ocean 

i am its rage

i am its sorrow

i am its longing

i am all the shades of blue 

as i smash into the rocks

throw myself harshly against the shore

until i feel raspy and torn

my muscles and knuckles are sore

but the waves cant wash away

all the poison that tears at my core

☆ messy ☆

my feelings are messy

my words even messier

they're either tangled up in unsolvable knots

or smeared all over like butter on toast

i am what i surround myself with

when i lay like this

it truly feels as if i dont exist

as an individual 

but as a part of whats around me

i'm the birds and their music

the way the dandelion seeds spread like magic

i'm the soft grass i feel against my skin

i'm the summer air i breathe in 

i'm the laughter of the kids in the neighborhood block

i'm the phone ringing and the voice that answers in shock

☆ dying to live ☆

i've died as many times

as i've been reborn

once agian alive

flourishing with new life

before the spring and its beauty

comes a winter of coldness and brutality

but its yet because you know

how it feels to lack the warmth

to lack the bliss

that you can truly feel

springs unforgettable kiss

☆ something worth living for ☆

I just wish you would take my hand

drag me to a concert of your favourite band

in your black velvet dress

promise me to stop trying to repress

how the world chews you

before it spits you out in distress

your porcelain skin is covered in salt unless

you tell me about the music

about something worth living for

lead me through the door

into your core

you said art is your religion

well you are mine

and the day you die

beauty itself will die with you

we've been running our whole lives

i'm on fire

it burns

i'm running

praying i make the right turns

do no more harm

dont make reality of my concerns 

but no matter how hard i try

i cant seem to catch up to my yearns

I've been running my whole life

running after everything i wish to acquire

I've been running after approval

trying to catch up to validation

fulfilling expectations

and living up to peoples manifestations

its a never ending race

trying to be perfect

trying to be enough

trying to be what they expect

you've been running your whole life too

running away from everything and everyone trying to trap you

running away from their gazes and glances

their ever-present judgement

running away from their expectations

their disappointment

running away from the uncomfortability

and uncertainty

of being someone special to me

sticky worn out sneakers

thank you for always being there for me 

and feeling my emotions with me 

trying to put yourself in my shoes

because i'll continue to wear yours if you wear mine

maybe we will both have shoe collections

instead of sticky worn out sneakers 

with holes, sharpie stains and patched fabric

or maybe that's what makes them feel so special

maybe the messiness and the weird little quirks 

are what make them beautiful

that they fit so perfectly

they show our scars and our history

so take my muddy and scrunched up dock martins

and i'll steal those cracked and dirty converse

bring your roller skates

lets walk around town like we own it

when i call you my best friend

i hope you believe it