☆ finding myself ☆

every day i wake up

i am somebody new

every second that passes

another version of me cuts through

the figure before me

the silhouette in the mirror

is nothing but a bypassing stranger

i kept chasing after

looked for her in the empty city streets

at the parties where i found release

the fruit isle at the grocery store

the sweaty school corridor

i wished for her to remain constant

if i could use the term "her" at all

because the strange shadow i chased

seemed to have no final form

i wished to have a concept of self

something i could call mine

but it all felt superficial

and unoffical

i am not constant 

i am not anything to be defined

labeled and described

shrunk up to fit into some

illusonary cage

prison cell

made mentally

in my mind

but aren't i supposed to know who i am?

to find whoever is lurking deep down?

the problem is

there was no hidden person inside

no truer 

better

realer version of me

it was not something i could seek

dig up and bring to life

identity is a careful prosess of choices 

done conciously 

and subconciously

that shape our view

of ourselves 

as well as how we

live our lives

we do not "find" ourselves 

we create ourselves 

am i not just a patchwork of the places i have seen?

the people i have met

i like to think of myself

as a mosaic of the world

different tiles collected carefully

pieces painted by

my mother tongue

the culture that's seeped into my blood

the music that makes me float among starts

the collection of brush strokes i call art

poetry that make my eyes fiery with sparks

books that make me understand life on mars

my definition of cool

all the shit i didn't learn from school

my friends and their impressions

my family and their self-expressions

these factors are redefined,

developed every second i'm alive

who i am represents

that nothing lasts forever

reality is ever-changing

i cant recognize the person i have been

or the one i'm becoming

but i've decided to just let myself be

accept that

my identity

remains uncertain to me